I love...my automobiles.

You know the ol' question: Which came first - ChaCha or Tootsie? Well the answer is simple: ChaCha did.

My first car was a silver Saturn named ChaCha. She was a lovely car, and yes - she was a "she". I bought her from the owner when she was only 1 year old, and on my first drive I had the windows down and was blasting the CD single "I Wanna Be Bad" by Willa Ford. Little did I know that ChaCha and I would be spending the next 11 years together.

ChaCha wasn't just any ordinary silver Saturn. She had a secret power...and that power was her magical third door! Yep, on the driver's side there was a half door that helped people to easily get in the back bucket seats. It was super fancy.

ChaCha and I got along very well for many years. She actually held herself together quite well until she was about 8 years old. That's when I think she couldn't hide it anymore. Aside from oil changes, tire rotations, and the occassional "fix whatever is making her service engine light come on", I hadn't done much else to her. That's why I think the garage I'd become a regular at was so stunned when they asked me the last time I'd had her tires changed and I answered 'Never'. Or the last time I got a new battery, 'Never.' They then took me outside to show me all the reasons I was in dire need of changing both of those,  plus a couple other things that were broken (this day would become known as the day I spent half a month's paycheck at the garage).

After that ChaCha was never quuuuiiiite right. Her engine light came on more regularly. Then it would go off for a couple days, then on for an hour, then off, then back on. I just started to ignore it. Then it would take a while for her to start when I turned the key. Then she stopped using her gas light to let me know when she was running low (because, much to my dad's dismay, I had started letting my gas get pretty low before filling up) - this resulted in a couple different "Can someone come get me and take me to a gas station" phone calls. She also stopped using her beeping alert to let me know if I opened the car door while the keys were still in the ignition - this resulted in the time I got locked out of my car.

But still I loved ChaCha. Even when the trunk started leaking - I took that as a challenge to see how little I could keep in there. Then when a hubcap fell off - I took that as the chance to test how I could park my car so that the missnig hubcap was never facing an office building or anywhere else I wouldn't want people to see that I had a missing hubcap. And when her CD player stopped working - I took that as a chance to break out some of my old casette tapes. Mainly, Michael Jackson's "Bad". Who's bad? ChaCha is bad.

It was a little under two months ago that I was driving into work and as I got on the I-90 bridge to pass over downtown ChaCha made a huge cracking noise and started puttering along. I willed her to make it to an exit, which she did. Then when I realized her powersteering had gone out, I willed her to let me turn her around the circular exit ramp. Then we pulled into a gas station. I called my dad. And I cried.

After a tow and a visit to my friendly gas station, they let me know her belt and a pulley had broken, and then ChaCha was fixed (kind of). Though it was scary, I knew that she wasn't trying to kill me that morning. No, I believe she was trying to tell me that she was tired. It was her way of saying "Jenny, please stop making the wheels on this car go round and round." And this time, I listened. A couple weeks later I stopped out at a car dealership and that same day I left ChaCha behind and drove off in my new little lady...Tootsie.

Tootsie is a silver Toyota Corolla. I thought of her name immediately: Tootsie coROLLa. Tootsie Roll! I have a stash of tootsie rolls in the car right now, which my mom supplied me with once I named her. So far we're getting along splendidly. Sure, there were some adjustments needed. I had to get used to the brakes immediately working when I barely tapped them. I'm sure my left arm will weaken as I won't have to manually roll my window up and down. And it's now officially time to get rid of my casette tapes as Tootsie can't play them. But all in all I think it was a good choice. I look forward to many years with her.

As for ChaCha, I imagine her out there in car heaven, rolling along with all the other cars, her service engine light blinking on and off, while she honks her horn and blares "I Wanna Be Bad" - just like when she was a carbaby.

I love...my dad.

When I see a spider, the first person I want to call is Denny Chalk. Denny Chalk is my dad and the reason I want to call him is not to say, "Oh my, I just saw a beautiful spider." It's to say: "Ahh! Creepy spider! Save me!"

However, if I see a spider today I will not bother my dad with it, because today is his birthday! So I'm letting him off spider duty.

The thing is, my dad is the first person I want to call in lots of situations. Car issues? I call my dad. Life advice? I call my dad.

This is probably a good time to point out that my dad now lives in North Carolina and I'm in Ohio. Sure we're miles apart, but I've always known that no matter how far away my dad is he'll always be there for me. And I hope he knows I'll always be there for him.

It's been that way since I was little. When he was outside doing yardwork he'd be there to take me for a quick trip around our house in the wheelbarrow. And in return, I'd be there to help smash the leaves and grass down in the garbage can with my feet.

My dad is a great golfer and he golfs any chance he gets. Unfortunately I have not (um, at least not yet) picked up on that skill from him. Though he did once take me to a driving range. He was there to give me tips on hitting the golf ball. I was there to make him laugh as I missed the ball on my first, second...and third swing.

When it came time for me to learn how to drive, my dad was there to take me to an empty, nearby parking lot and start teaching me the basics. I was there to keep him safe by hitting my head on the rolled-up window as I tried to double check that no other cars were around and then slam on the brakes when I saw a dog walking on the opposite side of the parking lot (yep, I brake for animals).

As the father of three girls, I have to admit we didn't make things easy for him. As we each went through our teenage phase, he couldn't win. The three of us, plus our mom and our female family dog - my dad was completely outnumbered. But he took it all in stride. He just zoned us out when necessary and sat in the car waiting, somewhat patiently, as we each changed our outfits and fixed our hair for the millionth time.

I learned a lot of lessons from my dad while growing up. He taught me that slowly repeating directions out loud as though you're asking a question makes them easier to remember.  Me: "Dad, can you get that box with the green lid out of the attic?" Dad: "The box? With the green lid? From the attic?" My sisters and I used to think it was hilarious. Now I find myself doing it all the time.

He also taught me to never let my gas tank get so low that the gas light comes on. I stuck to that, until about a year ago where I started pressing my luck, and ended up out of gas in a parking lot after work. And who did I call? Yep, my dad.

I like to think that I also taught him a thing or two over the years. Like when he joined Facebook and asked me how to clean all the comments off his wall, and how everyone knew it was his birthday.

Well now even more people know it's your birthday, Dad! Happy Birthday! Thanks for putting up with me all these years, and for always helping me realize that everything is going to be okay. And like I said, don't worry about getting any emergency spider phone calls tonight. If I see a spider I'll just be an adult about it. I'll relax, take a deep breath, put a cup over it, and call you tomorrow.

Love, Jennifer

My dad and their new dog, Tolya - the most recent female addition to his life.

I love...The Bachelor/Bachelorette.

Go ahead. Pick on me all you want. Get it out of your system: "It's a cheesy show", "It's fake", "It's all about the drama". I've heard it all and I'm not denying that it's not true. But maybe that's why I love it. After all I also enjoy Taco Bell, which is cheesy, possibly somewhat fake, and - depending on how your stomach agrees with it - may also cause drama for you later in the evening.

...but I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post...

I have watched The Bachelor and The Bachelorette since the beginning. I would gather with friends and a couple bottles of wine to watch each season unfold. During the first show we'd each pick our favorites, our MLTGE (Most Likely To Get Engaged) and the OYHGKOSYCHT (One You Hope Gets Kicked Off So You Can Have Them) and then watch as they were either quickly dumped in the first show or dragged out until the end where they proposed or were proposed to or were not proposed to. Then read as the tabloids ripped their love affairs apart.

Where to begin with the many reasons to love this show...

I'll start with the babysitter, er, I mean the host, Chris Harrison. He has to deal with the new contestants each season. He watches as each person gets out of the limo trying to introduce themselves in the most memorable way possible, whether it's a cute opening line or bringing a prop like a horse, or a mask, or a grandma. Then he sticks around for each rose ceremony to make sure everyone constantly knows how many roses are left to give out: "This is the final rose tonight" (Wait, what? This one remaining rose is the LAST rose? Thanks for clearing that up...).

Then the first night includes an unofficial drinking contest. Well, it's a "cocktail party" that goes on for a very long time and likely provides every liquor available on the planet. It's just a matter of who will pass out or cry or slur their words first.

For those who make it through the first night, there are then weeks of romantic, awkward, drama-filled dates. A majority of the dates are concocted from the daters' worst fears. "You're afraid of heights? Oh, you have to climb this tall mountain."; "You're afraid of water? Oh, then this scuba diving date is going to be tough for you." This is why I have decided if I was ever on the show I would fill out my questionnaire this way: "WORST FEAR: Petting puppies while eating pizza." Bring on the puppy/pizza date*.

(*Speaking of my puppy/pizza date, this seems like the perfect time to admit that I once applied to be on this show. It was several years back. I did the online application: submit a picture, write down some interesting facts about myself, include a statement as to why I wanted to be on the show. Alas, I received no phone call to be on the show...it's too bad, I could be reading about my new found relationship's demise in Us Weekly right now...)

Some other delicious Bachelor/ette ingredients are:

• commonly used lines, like "Here for all the right reasons";
• one girl/guy that all the other girls/guys hates, but that the Bachelor/Bachelorette doesn't send home until the very end;
• helicopters on demand; and,
• at least one date that ends while on a boat in the middle of the ocean, where the rejected contestant will have to exit said date on a small speedboat as their tears are mixed with the salt water flicking them in the face.

Over the past few seasons I have discovered that each episode holds not only drama, tears and romance, but also amazing life lessons to take away. Like these little tidbits:

• The Bachelor Lesson #32: If you can't find one of your dates, it's probably because they're crying in a luggage fort.
• The Bachelorette Lesson #121: If you continuously call the bachelorette a trophy wife, and she continuously tells you she doesn't like it...don't act surprised when she sends you home.
• The Bachelorette Lesson #66: If you don't want to date a woman who has a child, you probably shouldn't go on a dating show where the bachelorette is a woman who has a child.

Finally, there's the last show where you try desperately to tell from the previews leading up to it which person is the "winner" and which person is sent home in a limo as the "crier". Alas, it's often not what you expect. Sneaky previews... Then it's tears and XOXOs before the new happy couple is sent home to their new reality.

If you haven't watched The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, don't worry. You can catch up on all the recycled drama with Bachelor Pad, a show where past bachelors and bachelorettes come back to try to nurse their heartaches, their hangovers...and win a lot of money.

Basically, the shows are an entertaining way to spend a few hours every week while you sample the finest $5 wines you can find and learn valuable life lessons.

Until next time, readers and readettes...this is the final sentence of this blog post. #thingsChrisHarrisonmightsay