I love...random short story Sunday (#4).

Hello, friends! Here we are: another Sunday with another random short story from my random collection of short stories...just like the random short story Sundays that have come before it!

 

This story actually would have been more fitting a week ago on St. Patrick's Day...but I was downtown most of the day, enjoying the holiday with random beverages. And really, who would have remembered reading it on that day anyway? So instead you get it today. Cheers!

 

 

Oscar's St. Patrick's Day

by: jenny chalk

 

Once upon a time, in a land right under your feet, there was an ant named Oscar.

 

Oscar was the happiest ant in his town. He always smiled at the other ants he passed on the street and he whistled a happy little tune while he worked in his yard. In fact, all the ants in Oscar's town called him, "Oscar, the happiest ant you'd ever want to meet who smiles and whistles" (the ants had to be careful not to get Oscar confused with "Simon, the sleaziest ant you'd never want to meet who smiles and whistles").

 

One day (March 17th to be exact) Oscar was walking down the street and smiling at the other ants, when he heard a large group of ants laughing and singing inside a local pub.

 

"Sounds like a great time in there," Oscar thought to himself. So he walked in.

All the ants in the pub were dancing around, wearing green clothing and green beads. Some ants even had green stickers on their faces and green top hats on their heads. Oscar walked up to the bar, "What's going on?" he asked, "Is it green day?"

"No," the bar-ant replied.

"Is it top hat day?" Oscar continued.

"No."

"Is it recycling day?"

"No," the bar-ant replied, "It's Saint Patrick's Day!"

"What is Saint Patrick's Day?" said Oscar with a confused look on his face.

 

"It's a new thing we're starting this year," explained the bar-ant, "we all celebrate by drinking too many green beverages and wearing too much green stuff and then everyone falls asleep in random places around town and we wake up tomorrow wearing the same clothes we have on today. I read about it on the Anternet."

 

"Wow," said Oscar, "Sounds harmless, I think I'll give it a try."

 

And with that Oscar joined in on the celebration. He bought a green beverage, borrowed some green beads from other ants and put half his paycheck into the jukebox, playing Usher's song 'Yeah' as many times as he could. The last thing he remembered was telling an ant he'd never seen before that he was awesome and challenging another ant to who could hold their breath the longest.

 

The following morning Oscar woke up in a tree. Well, he woke up sometime between falling from the tree to the ground. "Ouch," mumbled Oscar. He stood up, rubbing at his antenna, and looked at the town clock..."NOON?!" he shouted.

 

Oscar crossed his arms and stumbled back to his house. As he passed other ants on the street they waved and yelled, "Hi, Oscar!" This did not make Oscar happy. He didn't smile, he didn't wave, he just put his hands to his temples and grumbled at the other ants to be quiet.

 

From that point on March 18th became known as Oscar the Grouch Day.

 

As soon as Oscar got home he showered, drank some water, took some tylenol, and closed all his blinds before getting ready to go to bed. But before he crawled into his bed he marked down March 17th on his calendar for the following year: "St. Patrick's Day!" And he added a green smiley face.

 

The End

I love...my mom.

Today is June Chalk's birthday! And June Chalk just so happens to be my mom.

There are a lot of things that come to mind when I think about my mom, starting with one of my first memories of her putting me into my crib with a nightlight glowing in the room behind her.

When I was little she would lay in bed with me, telling me stories she made up until I fell asleep.

The first time I swore in front of my mom was after I had watched the movie "Clue". She was trimming my bangs and let me look in the mirror as she asked how I thought they looked. I, quoting the movie, replied: "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." She didn't like that.

The first time my mom swore in front of me was when we were driving home from the grocery store. Someone was quickly backing out of their driveway not paying attention, my mom tried to swerve out of the way, but they hit us. She said the "s" word and then started crying. She denies the swearing part ever happened.

My mom always keeps me laughing. In fact I started tracking her "Momisms", which are the funny random things that she says - whether she intends them to be funny or not. Like the time we were on a family vacay, my sisters and I were laying by the pool and my mom walked over to us carrying a bag of animal crackers. She went to ask us if we wanted one, and mixed up the words of crackers/cookies as she yelled: "Do you girls want a crack-cookie?!"

As a fan of the Usher, Lil Jon & Ludacris combo, my mom likes singing along to (the chorus of) this song. And (thanks to the Ellen Show) she once asked me "Do you know that song that goes 'Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur'?". To which I replied, "Yes...but why do you?"

Anytime I worry and my mom tells me to stop worrying, I remind her that I got it from her. In fact, I'm worried right now about writing this and that she will worry about me being worried about her worrying...

My mom has been through a lot in life, but she's still one of the most positive, loving, silly, caring and giving people that I know. And if I have even a little bit of that in me, I'd be as happy as a kid eating a crack-cookie.

Happy Birthday, Mom!
Love, Jennifer

(p.s.: also happy birthday to Paul McCartney, who my mom always reminds us that she shares a birthday with.)

I love...mysteries.

Did you know that some of life's greatest mysteries have been solved over weekends of wine, art, and food? Don't research this statement, just trust me that it's true*. I spent this past weekend with my friends Rachel and Jackie, who I've known since college, and we enjoyed wine, art, and food while contemplating our own weekend mysteries. We didn't necessarily solve each mystery so much as I "Jenny-solved" them, which means I made up my own answers to the following:


The Mystery of the Missing Wrap
Saturday we went to lunch at Flannery's on East 4th and I announced I would be ordering the BBQ chicken wrap. However as Jackie looked over the menu she broke the bad news that there were no wraps. I double checked and then asked the server. She confirmed they did not sell wraps and she didn't think they ever had. Just as my friends were about to file me away under "crazy" I knew that I had one more chance to solve this missing wrap mystery, so I texted my friend Lindsay, who is a Flannery's pro. She responded immediately and confirmed that they had indeed sold wraps, four different kinds in fact. But still there were no wraps to be had that day, so my mind completely frazzled I reverted back to my high school self and got the chicken fingers...with BBQ sauce. It was discovered during our lunch that our server was somewhat new to Flannery's - ah ha! That's why she wasn't aware of their lack of wraps.
Mystery Jenny-solved.

The Mystery of the Collar

After lunch we moved on to the Art Museum to see the Rembrandt exhibit. The pieces were amazing. While looking them over we pondered the purpose of the large white collars worn in some of them. Rachel suggested the collar represented a high status. I suggested it was to keep food from falling on the person's clothes. Then I decided that we were both correct and perhaps the higher your status the more important it was to keep food off your clothes...hence, the large collars.
Mystery Jenny-solved.

The Mystery of the Red Feather
As we ventured around to other parts of the museum, we ended up behind an older gentleman on the escalator. He was wearing a baseball cap that had a large red feather stuck out of the back. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. Why was it there? Did he know it was there? We crossed paths with him several times. He walked around slowly and would stand and look at some of the artwork for awhile. My mind started wandering about that random baseball cap feather! This is why you should stay tuned for my future short story "The Old Man & the Red Feather".
Mystery (soon to be) Jenny-solved.

The Mystery of the Mattress vs the Banana
After the museum we stopped in Little Italy for a glass of wine at La Dolce Vita and cannoli at Corbo's Bakery. Then we drove back to Rachel's house. Along the way Rachel pointed out a store where she'd bought her mattress. We started talking about how long a mattress is good for and whether that timing changes if you put the mattress in storage or sleep on it for the entire length of time. I said it probably only counted when you actually used the mattress and it wasn't like there was an expiration date on it. I used the opposite example of a banana, saying that a banana would go bad in a certain amount of time whether you used it or not. But by saying the phrase "use the banana" the whole topic of our conversation changed from whether you're able to use a banana vs. eat a banana, and it went down hill from there. So no mattress mystery was ever solved.

Mystery (almost) Jenny-solved.

The Mystery of the Woman Sprinting through the Aquarium
Sunday we had breakfast, got ourselves together and went to the Cleveland Aquarium. There were lots of cute fishies to see, the sharks were teethy (ah!), and I realized I might be slightly claustrophobic as I kept to a quick sprint when going through the enclosed tunnel tank thing.
Mystery (unfortunately) Jenny-solved.





Hope you were able to solve some weekend mysteries of your own! If you need any help let me know, perhaps I can Jenny-solve them for you.

*statement may not be true.

I love...random short story Sunday (#2).

Happy Sunday!

You may recall my first "random short story Sunday" post from about a month ago. Well today, randomly, I've decided to post another one of my stories. So gather your family, your pets and your plants and enjoy this classic tale of a miniature pony named Toodaloo.


The Story of Toodaloo and His Mysterious Lack of Ladies
by: jenny chalk

Once upon a time there was a miniature pony named Toodaloo. He was beige with white spots, had a well-kept mane and dressed in the finest saddles. He was really one of the cutest miniature ponies in his town.

Toodaloo loved wearing ponchos, vaccuming, and eating tater tots with ketchup (sometimes all at the same time, sometimes seperately) - qualities that every miniature lady-pony looked for in a mate.

Unfortunately for Toodaloo none of the miniature lady-ponies seemed interested in him. They would always come up and introduce themselves to him, but before he could say much they'd trot away. He had no idea what he was doing wrong. So he decided to ask for help from the town monkey, Yeknom.

"Tell me what the problem is!" shouted Yeknom.

"None of the ladies seem to like me," replied Toodaloo.

"One of the ladies tried to bite you?!" shouted Yeknom, who had lost most of his hearing after attending too many rock concerts.

"No. They don't like me!" shouted Toodaloo.

After a few more attempts at shouting and then several games of charades, Yeknom finally caught on to Toodaloo's problem. Yeknom said he would get to the bottom of it.

Several days later Yeknom returned to Toodaloo.

"Well," said Yeknom, "it seems that the ladies think you're a very polite jerk."

"What does that mean?!" asked Toodaloo.

"According to the ladies I spoke with," Yeknom began as he pulled a banana out of his man purse, "they try to talk to you and you politely and sweetly say goodbye to them."

"But that's not true, I don't say goodbye to them. I hardly get to say anything before they turn and trot away."

"Maybe we should go over your approach with the ladies, perhaps there's something you don't realize you're doing wrong."

"Okay, worth a try," sighed Toodaloo.

Yeknom walked up to Toodaloo, "Hi, I'm Yeknom. What's your name?"

"Toodaloo!" Toodaloo said with a smile.

"Waaaiit a minute..." they both stopped.

From then on, Toodaloo pronounced his name differently (Tuda-luh) and he had no more problems with the miniature lady-ponies. He also began a new Wednesday night ritual of playing charades with Yeknom.

The End

I love...random short story Sunday.

What is "random short story Sunday"? It's a Sunday where I post one of the short stories that I've written.
When is "random short story Sunday"? It's today...right now! Random, huh? So grab your Snuggie, make some hot chocolate and curl up with this story about a porcupine & balloon animals.
Enjoy!

The Poptastic Poppy-Pop-Pop
by: jenny chalk

Once upon a time there was a puffy, purple porcupine named Poppy-pop-pop. Poppy-pop-pop was just about the happiest porcupine there ever was. He was happy when he fell asleep and happy when he woke up. He was happy when he stubbed his toe and happy when he got a cold. He was even happy when someone stole the wheels off his car - "Eh, I should do more walking anyways," he'd say.

There was only one thing in the whole world that made Poppy-pop-pop angry, and that was...balloon animals.

Poppy-pop-pop's balloon animal hatred started when he was very young. For his 5th birthday party his parents ordered a clown to come and entertain the kids. The clown had a big red nose and crazy blue hair, he smelled of alcohol and couldn't say Poppy-pop-pop's name without hiccuping. All the porcu-kids loved him! The clown danced around in the backyard, occasionally falling over and making everyone laugh. After he'd been there a while, he pulled out a huge bag of balloons. All the porcu-kids gathered around him and he began to blow up the balloons and twist them into tiny animals...well, at first he only made snakes, which were the easiest to do as there was nothing to do except blow up the balloon. But after Poppy-pop-pop's parents had a stern talk with the clown and gave him an extra twenty bucks he began to get more inventive. One porcu-kid got a pony. Another got a giraffe. Then another got a bumble-bee. The party was a hit! Then it was Poppy-pop-pop's turn, he asked for a teddy bear. The clown twisted and turned the balloon and created the most adorable balloon teddy bear anyone had ever seen. Poppy-pop-pop was soo happy!

That night Poppy-pop-pop carefully placed that cute, little teddy bear next to him in his bed. He wrote an entry in his journal titled "Me & My Balloon Bear...Forever". Then he fell asleep. Unfortunately in the middle of the night Poppy-pop-pop rolled onto his left side and popped that cute little balloon bear. He burst into tears. The next day he buried the little balloon pieces in his backyard and vowed to never, ever love another balloon animal. The mere thought of another balloon animal made his quills boil. When he was old enough he did some research and moved to a town with no clowns or balloon animals. Since then he'd been only happy.

One Sunday, years later, Poppy-pop-pop was walking home from his jazzercise class when he noticed a sign on one of the lamp posts that read: "First Annual Balloon Animal Parade! Starts today at 11:34 a.m."

Poppy-pop-pop looked at his watch, it was 11:33! He began running towards his house, if only he could get inside then he could close his blinds and watch reruns of Saved By The Bell until the parade was finished. But it was too late and he was too tired from jazzercise, he ran right into the path of the balloon animal parade. There were porcupines everywhere holding balloon dogs, balloon elephants, balloon ponies. Poppy-pop-pop's quills began to raise up. He imagined himself spinning in circles and popping all of the balloon animals in his path just to get them out of his sight.

Just as Poppy-pop-pop was about to lose it, a small little porcupine walked up to him from the crowd, smiling and holding out an adorable little teddy bear balloon. Poppy-pop-pop was suddenly flooded with memories of that teddy bear balloon animal from his 5th birthday. He asked himself why he'd been holding this hatred for all other balloon animals - they were still adorable. He told himself he should give them another chance. So he reached out and accepted that adorable little ballon bear from the little porcupine. He smiled, and gently held it out in front of him as he looked it over.

Then he karate popped that adorable little balloon bear. He was too old for toys, what would he do with it?

Poppy-pop-pop skipped home, made some chocolate chip cookies, took a bubble bath and fell asleep...happy. He didn't hate balloon animals anymore! He was officially the happiest porcupine there ever was.

The End